KOURYUU NO MIMI
Original Release: VAP, 1995, Super Famicom
Simplistic beat-em-up based on an early 90s manga that seems like it blends together a bunch of odd disparate influences (James Bond, Chinese legends, etc)
Kouryuu no Mimi (VAP, SNES, 1995)
Where to Buy: eBay
How to Emulate: SNES Emulation Guide
Review by: C. M0use
Apparently translating to "Ear Ring of the Golden Dragon," this is easily one of the most obnoxiously designed beat-em-ups I've ever played. It's a shame because it's based on some manga and does more with presentation and story than usual for the genre ... unfortunately the story is incoherent as well.
Alright, let's start with the plot. We play as some kid who has a magical earring that allows him to "control money and women," except that never actually seems to happen. All that happens is that it makes him go Super Saiyan temporarily upon getting beaten up. He's training on some remote mountain with some martial arts master, then he Gets the Call from the Bogdandoffs or something ... suddenly he's at an orphanage for god knows what reason and it's being attacked by bikers. I'm going to generously assume this is just roughly following some plot that was much better connected in the original manga, and the designers expected you to come in familiar with it already and mentally fill in the gaps. Coming in cold it's just a constant parade of "what the fuck is going on right now."
The schizo story isn't what sinks the game, though, it's the awful gameplay. It's a flat-plane beat-em-up, which is almost never a good idea or a good time. Basically, it's like playing a fighting game but you're being attacked from both sides constantly and can't block.
The enemies aren't particularly good, but they don't have to be because you can't take very many hits. All they have to do is rush on the screen, get one jab or jumpkick in before you merk them, and you gradually die of their paper cuts before the level is over. Oh, and you get one life and that's it, back to the start of the level once you lose it (and they are pretty long).
If your "ear ring" power is full, it'll cash in automatically when your life bar depletes to give you some health back and make you Super Saiyan nearly-invincible mode for like 30 seconds. There are some serious problems with this system. One is that you REALLY need to save Ear Ring for the cheapo bosses, but even then they take so little damage that it generally doesn't last long enough. It also only restores less than half your health, so once it dumps you out you're really not far from getting killed again.
The first boss is exemplary of how they all work, she's some random dominatrix with a whip who makes full use of the flat plane and your inability to block to just continually zone you with it. The second boss takes this concept to the next level of ridiculousness and just rolls out with a gun.
I threw up the X at the third level where you're on a train and random drink carts that take off nearly half your life keep getting hurled at you from off-screen at ludicrous speeds. The game has some other little hinks to complain about, like there are weapons around but picking them up and swinging them is a ridiculously fussy process, but the long and short of it is that this was made by a no-name publisher with only a handful of obscure games under their belt and the lack of design experience definitely shows (apparently it was a subsidiary of Nippon TV that just did quick cash-in attempts once in a while).
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